Fertility Goddess in training

ONE DAY LEFT

2010-03-05T15:54:40Z

Everytime I go back to Facebook, I stop writing in my journal, and that bugs me beyond all end. I love my journal I've written in it for years, so what is my major malfunction? I have no idea but I've got to find the time to work it all out. I'm definately all over the place. In between Christmas break to this spring break has been one of the most draining and hardest times for me in my adult life. I'm so excited for the two week rest and hopefully I will be finding the time to get my life back together and much more organized.

new idea

2010-02-28T07:47:23Z

so lately I haven't been updating. I haven't talked about the major dissapointment that was trying to secure a hall. I haven't talked about the on and off nature of my anxiety, I haven't revelled in the fact that I had such a relaxing teachers review. None of these things have been something for me to write about because in all honesty I'm always so stupidly busy about the wedding that I dont talk about how I've been going five days a week to the gym, and that for one day out of the blue last week I almost passed out in the shower. So to sort of keep track of all the wedding crafts I'm making AND so that I feel that I'm using this paid account I'm going to create a series of posts in regards to said wedding crafts. So far I've been creating my own veil, have a rather different spin on favours, name holders, and have watched bink make our invites from scratch that is way beyond my realm of imagination. I'm going to be making my own centrepieces, table runners, decorating the hall myself and generally finding the cheapest and most fun/frusterating ways to get what I want. Later I think I hope to maybe expand on that, but for now I think it would be neat as a focus for some posts. I find doing this beading so far has been really... relaxing? and yet, I'm creating a viel that seems similar to the ones that I saw hanging up in the dress shop for $129.00 for the total of 27.00 in materials (so far). Then again, I've been beading for almost 5 hours now.

I think I'll make thorough posts of everything from scratch once their down so people can see the end product and the beginning.

HELP! Poll FO SHO

2010-02-15T04:47:18Z

So I had the most tragic and frustrating news on friday. I got a call from the bridal shop telling me that even though I was emailed and told my dress was ordered and would be here for the end of Feb, it was a mistake made by a new 'trainee' and that they couldn't get my dress in after the wedding date. After telling the woman I couldn't even talk to her because I was so frustrated, I made her call my voicemail while I called my mom to deal with it all since I was at work.

I ended up calling back after work and making arrangements to come in for Saturday, which was yesterday. My goal was to purchase the dress I had tried on just a little over two weeks ago because, at the time it fit me and I was so sick of this whole issue/crap. I walked in and had literally dropped two dress sizes from excerise and stress. That's about 15 to 20 lbs. I had to sinch the waist with my hands holding the extra 2-3 inches of fabric. It also meant I could try on another dress I liked. Now I'm caught.

The simple one that I lost two dress sizes in, it's Bink's favourite, but alot of alterations need to be done. My sash added, more crinoline, and a sweetheart neckline made with cups to hold my boobs better (I think they look tragic and saggy in it). The second one, I need a size up so my back fat isn't so gross and the bodice taken in. That one is my moms favourite. I LOVE THEM BOTH. I see alot of potential in the second one, but gathering of fabric under my breastline is one of my favourite things. ACK! Either way the Sash is getting added. So I've decided to show the pictures and then from there get more feedback. I know it's ultimately my own decision. I just... am a pansy.

I appologize for the back fat, I'm working on it.

I think the bodice in the second one would be needed to taken in... and it's the size too small making my tummy pounch a bit... hmmm.....

Which dress do you like better?

Dress number one, the plain dress that has potential? (more crinoline under bum, sweetheart neckline, sash and better boobs.)

Fancy beaded bodice taffeta dress (needs size up so less back fat, sash added, bodice taken in.)

SO MUCH STRESS

2010-02-11T16:02:48Z

I didn't make it to the gym today, as I have been and was exhausted, thus I slept in a whole whopping 1 and a half (instead of five I got up at 6:30). I've gone 3 out of 4 days this week though, so that must count for something. I've been trying so hard to get weddingz stuff together but it's become more of a chore than a fun exciting experience. If I get too involved I get unbelievably stressed over things that are uncontrollable and so I barely touch on it now because I find it dissapointing.

I had more to say but my brain just seemed to lose all or to be more accurate, the majority of its functionality.

Thus I'm going to go pack my work back and hopeful all my jumbled thoughts will come together once more, later so I can update.

Can't stop throwing up.

2010-02-04T05:02:08Z

I seem have to caught a stomach bug that is going around that causes me to vomit every half an hour. It got so bad Bink had to tell me to call in sick tomorrow. I just hate doing that knowing we have no subs. This is only causing half my stress. The wedding is causing the other half. I'm trying to wrap everything up together into a nice package and it's not coming together as neatly as I would like. Even ordering our wedding bands is proving to be a problem as we don't live in the states, and although I can PAY for the rings, and they are TINY, they say they can't ship one of them to my address, but the other one... suuure, that's fine.

Thats what it looks like in a size 8, so I don't know what it will look like in a size 24 but hey, one can hope it at least looks nice. Everyone told me not to stress over the size and even the girl was saying "its a prom size so it's sized differently." but this is my wedding dress so of course this made me a tad depressed.

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that is what it looks like on a young slim thing. But when I tried it on in this hiddeous purple mess my mom and aunt almost cried saying that the cut was perfect and tried to tell me I had no vision. So I tried on a dress that fit properly and held the white one up over top as to give it a more realistic feel and completely agreed it was the best choice, as it had no train which is what I wanted. I'm just nervous waiting for it to come in.

Je suis une pizza, avec du fromage....

2010-01-26T06:57:39Z

So I must say for all my not writing in the journal, so much has happened in the last few days. First off, Bink and I have bumped the wedding up to THIS YEAR. After a long and drawn out discussion after I lost it on him for the zillionth time for not even paying attention or listening to me about wedding stuff, he admitted he wanted a smaller standing ceremony with the possiblity of going out to supper afterwards or having a barbeque. The thing about going out to supper though is we don't know how to word it or explain we want people to come celebrate our marriage with us, however we're not able to pay for their meal. At this point, my mom is paying for my dress and everything else seems to have come to roughly 500 dollars, which is way more realistic for us than 5000. Plus it's still going to be the 13th so it's a Thursday this year and there will most likely be people who will not be able to make it and we're alright with that. We know how last minute this now has become and therefore we're just trying to keep it casual. Then all of a sudden this tiny standing room only 8 people ceremony has already ballooned into an 18 person ceremony. I keep telling people that if they really want to stand and watch then by all means, but I'm not renting chairs or going to make it fancy when it was meant to be small.

Then my best friends apartment flooded and now she's moving into the room that time forgot. Which means that Bink and I have been cleaning and packing things away all night. I'm so tired and stressed and she's so tired and stressed and we're all just trying to make things work. I called the bridal boutique in Kelowna today because everyone keeps telling me I can't possibly purchase a dress without trying one on that its TOO risky, so now I'm going to Kelowna Friday night so that I can have a fitting. The dresses online are the exact same and almost 300 dollars cheaper without tax so I'm a little stressed but my mom is paying for it and she apparently doesn't mind. I was reamed out though by the bridal assistant for "waiting way too long" where I apparently felt the need to explain that I actually had no idea I was getitng married this may until last thursday.

Basically I need sleep because everythings sort of compressing into this giant ball of stress goo. I don't want that stress goo to explode.

Yes, definitely time for bed.

They say that you`re leaving, well that comes as no surprise.

2010-01-15T16:00:38Z

So by the time I got into my appointment yesterday I had waited two hours for it. I wasn`t that frustrated although I know I should have been. The problem is I genuinely love my Doctor and pretty much will do anything he asks because he`s so unbelievably good to me and has been my Doctor for 11 years. The MOA girls were all giggling incessantly at me as I waited patiently while other patients came up and lost their cool. As soon as Rose, the head MOA picked up my file I (according to the girls) broke out in a grin and pretty much jumped up to go in. They all were laughing because they knew I was waiting patiently but they would be irritated as well with a 2 hour wait. Then my Doctor came in and asked me if I was willing to let one last patient go ahead of me, and then he could give me all the time I needed, so I told him I had been waiting an hour and a half already, what was another half an hour?

So everything seems to be fine but I have to do some blood work and fasting since I have some depression and anxiety issues. He wants me to buy one of those SADS lamps, but I have no idea how much they cost or where the hell I would even begin to look. We also talked about some counselling. I think its mostly weather related, but he did make me realize that with planning the wedding I've been thinking a lot about my father and that I never seeked or was given professional counselling to deal with that and that maybe its time.

I also found that all the weight I worked so hard to get rid of I gained back in a fell swoop. Only a month and a half to gain back what it took three months to get rid of. So back to square one.

I love my cat but he's always weaving in and out of my legs in the morning causing me to constantly trip over him and worry about stepping on him. He has this rule where he'll only lay down with you on the bed, so he'll basically try and force me into the bedroom so he can lay down and I can cuddle him like the baby he keeps thinking he is. It's like he's a dog in a cats body sometimes since he's so needy. It's a double edge sword though because he's extremely loyal and constantly wants your love.

Anyways I need to go pack my bag for work. I had this extensive conversation about the importance of preschool teachers with this older woman in the lobby and she totally was inflating my ego. Our school is one of the most prodominant in Penticton so she was all ' ooooooh aaaaah' after she asked me where I worked since she apparently had heard of us. To be truthful I could care less if we were more famous, since I used to work at one of the most infamous preschools last year... which was run by the same board. I just want to be good at what I do and part of my anxiety stems from constantly worrying about pleasing everyone. It's pretty exhausting. I'm in charge today though as our manager is taking a personal day, for the first time all year, so this is my chance to relax probably a wee bit and wet my beak and being in charge.

Then I'll probably come home and pass out.

so many things I wanna say... You know I like my girls a little bit older...

2010-01-12T15:53:56Z

I really don't want to go to my physical on thursday. I don't want to know if I need surgery for all the little issues I have. I also don't want to know if I gained back the 20 lbs I lost before christmas break. I try to give all the candy and chocolate and cookies away that I get from my students but I always am able to sneak some of that stuff in there. But 20 lbs worth? I hope not. I've been working so hard by just grazing when I eat. Bink wanted to go to McD's last night so I had two of those snack wrap things so that I wasn't having a bland tasteless 3000 calorie meal, more like a 500 one.

I'm suppose to go out to dinner with my girlfriends next week but I'm not really looking forward to it. Right now I've been unbelievably tired ALL THE TIME. So were really trying to find the route of that, I've been drinking lots of water and trying to ride my bike at least once a day for 30 min. I also tried going to bed earlier and taking vitamin D. Maybe I just need to stick to that routine. All I know is that financially I'm still waiting on E.I. to set bink up for school and I've got till the end of this week to get paid. I hate being po.

WARNING WEDDING RANT

2010-01-10T05:41:04Z

Trying to plan for this wedding so far has been one of the most frustrating experience to date. Bink is only partially interested and my own mother doesn't seem to care too much. So I sit here trying to organize all these different flurry of thoughts by myself or with the help of one of my bridesmaids. I keep trying to find out just what it is that Bink wants but in my own mind, it seems he's always too busy doing other things including playing video games. Then when I finally started to focus on the invites, he tells me he has a great idea for them so he doesn't want me to worry about them. I say "what is your idea?" and he says I need to wait for him to make an example, so I can't actually work on the invites I was about 75% done making. After that he told me I need to calm down and focus on one thing...

so I say "Okay I'll focus on the bridesmaid dresses/my wedding dress and what I'm looking for" and I find this site called lightinthebox out of china that basically does knock off dresses. At first we don't know this and I spend about two weeks looking through all these reasonably priced dresses to find what will work for my girls as we are all poor people and I don't want to make the girls pay too much for their own simple dress. It's just suppose to be a black cocktail dress that's knee length, and a sash with crinoline. We find a bunch of dresses we like and then my friend goes "what do reviews say about the dresses?" and I say "I have heard nothing but good reviews." Well she kindly reminds me that of course the site might filter the bad reviews. Or even write their own "good" reviews. So sheepishly I start looking for reviews outside the site and it's pretty much half/half. Some are reasonable reviews and some are trashing the site for how horrible the dresses were mis-sized and the poor customer service.

Now I'm so thrown through a loop right now I want to cry. We're so stressed about the budget and it doesn't help that everything seems to be so expensive, now my options of trying to trim the fat seem to be running out and I'm feeling kind-of cornered.

Not even my mother will talk about this stuff with me. For a few times back there she kept saying that it will never happen so basically give up. Now that everything is starting to kick a little more into gear she keeps changing the subject or saying she's too tired to talk about it.

It sucks.

So loud, and so what if it is?

2010-01-03T21:06:20Z

what an amazing and busy holiday I had. Between spending time with Brendans family, my family, both our sets of friends visiting, we still managed to get thew house beautiful and do some wedding planning. Last weekend we went to dinner with Bink's Aunt and Uncle that now live in Summerland who would love to see us more, meaning we really have to start staying out of our shells. We stayed there waaay late and watched a bond film, missing alf completely when she called. Thats why I got to hang out with her the next day, which I worried about because we had wedding appointments. It was alright though because she had been visiting with Katja and I only called her back an hour after she tried calling me. She then came over and we hung out until 2 in the morning because this visit didn't have enough time for us to spend a whole night together.

It's funny because whenever we get together we always end up talking about the same people and she always tells me I'm better off but its weird that we always go there in the first place. I'm not sure who goes there first, but it always ends up coming out. Probably because it's always hard to not reminicse when you have so little time together to create new memories. Plus those days seem so far away and yet like yesterday. Those times are so much easier to talk about than current financial circumstances or illness. We ate, drank and were merry, but it's never enough when that girl is here, I miss her to death already.

Last Tuesday Bink went to go give blood with his uncle and my friend from town and I hung out, we made sure to get everything ready for new years eve. Later that night our friend Mikey came over with his new girlfriend and we drank and watched movies. His girlfriend was really sweet and we really liked her. After that I got to see Jake which made me super happy. I think from the first night he was here we tried getting him all caught up with the venture brothers, and we forced him to watch 17 again and fall in love with the zefron like we are. New Year's Eve Day I took my nana to Ginza because she loves sushi places and I like sushi at Ginza more than at Iishin. I love everything else at Iishin more, but I admit I think Ginza does better sushi. She also came over new years day and had supper with us and watched Baraka. New Years Eve we watched Baraka with Jake as well and had a little get together. We ended up creating a drinking game to crazy eights. Now everyone's gone home (except Jake) and I have a day left before going back to work.

Verry Merry Happy Holidays

2009-12-27T10:05:03Z

I hope everyone had a very happy holidays!

I spent it with the people I love the most, and had a rather uneventful but comfy day. Bink surprised me by giving me a laptop for christmas, which was definately I was wanting but NOT expecting. My Aunt and Nana bought me things to use in the wedding, and everyone seemed to enjoy the massive amounts of art and music I gave them. My mother and brother are at it, and for the most part I've just tried to stay out of the way. Usually when my grandmother comes up my mom singles out someone and takes her aggression out of them and usually its me but this time around it seems to be the boy, and although he may not deserve the full frontal of her major wrath, he does to some degree deserve to be called out on how much of an entitled little jerk he's become and that is why we've tried to stay out of it on so many levels.

Today we went and got Bink's mother a gift for next year, and a gift for his aunt and uncle who have invited us over for supper tomorrow night which is why I REALLY should be asleep and not up typing this. Tomorrow before we go over I have massive amounts of baking to do as well as Bink and I need to go get our meds filled out and our fingers sized for our wedding bands.... the couple that buys their medications together, stays together.

A glimpse into mah style

2009-12-24T20:19:59Z

Last night was spent nibbling on a toasted cheddar and havarti sandwich (made on Focaccia bread) while sipping on some sauvignon blanc by one of the best wineries around here while watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Nothing says happy holidays like excellent food and drink and old cheesy movies.

Happy holidays everyone!

So NOW I feel like I'm coming down with something...

2009-12-22T18:58:11Z

Tonight is suppose to be a girls night out, however two of the four going out are sick, one on antibiotics, the other just finally coming around but still sick. I was alright with all of this because it meant no drinking which is what I didn't want to do tonight. Now I wake up with a sinus thing and I'm just super impressed. Sure we've been stirring up the dust with our constant cleaning but it should be helping not making things worse.

I think its all the home baking and chocolate I recieved as gifts from my students. It's hard to resist and although I do, I don't ever eat candy like that. EVER. I once and awhile have a snickers, but I enjoy savoury food over sugary for the most part. So on top of sinusy issues, I also have been breaking out EVERYWHERE. =(

So you think I'm in control?

2009-12-19T19:41:10Z

So it's been awhile but it's been oh-so-ridiculously busy. Tuesday was my staff party, and everyone loved my secret Santa gift which was a snow-man cookie jar full of just-out-of-the-oven cookies. It was stolen three times, where as the gift I got, was a dip chiller. =( A hideous dip chiller, that was never stolen, and I was told later by Pam a re-gift item she used. I picked the package because it was the prettiest wrapped. I learned to never judge a present by it's wrapping.

Then I was prepping for Thursday and Friday like CRAZY because I was so unbelievably busy for our parties that day. Pam loved her gift, and specifically used the word love. I took as much of my free time as I could writing down slow cooker recipes and putting them in a recipe box for her.

Last night, I went on the Kettle Valley Railway Santa Train with some friends and their work, which would have been so much more fun if the banjo guy didn't stay in our cab the ENTIRE time. There was TWO OTHER CARS and he NEVER LEFT and sang ALL THE SAME SONGS I SING ON A DAILY BASIS AT SCHOOL. Or even the fact that we were only a group of three and the seats are in groups of four so this weirdo guy who was obsessed with talking about his iphone sat. We spent the entire time texting back and forth as to not give him the impression we found him slightly crazy.

arg.

Later, we made plans to go out for a girls night on Tuesday night. I think Bink is happy I'm developing a bit of a social-life. After that, Bink and I took a friend to dinner at the Barley Mill where I finally realized just how exhausted I was. I soon went home and crashed.

Now it's two weeks off and a time to get my life in order. Bink's getting laid-off to go to work soon and I always get stressed out by that, just waiting for the government and E.I to get set up. Stressful fo sho.

If I could open my mouth, wide enough for a marching band to march out.

2009-12-13T04:42:11Z

So on Wednesday night I went to my friend's staff party with her and met the mother of a boy I could have probably gotten further with (in high school) if I tried. It was a little weird knowing that as I knocked back three strawberry margaritas, but alas I managed to find ways to stop thinking about it. The dinner was nice until the head office bosses got up to make dramatic speeches, and some of them made eye contact with me, as though they had no idea I didn't work there, and to be honest, I'd be surprised if they knew I didn't.

Tonight I keep telling myself I will work up the energy to clean my dreadful house and enjoy some alone time, but I have a serious case of the SADS and I'm really trying to get over it before my grandmother comes up for tomorrow and I must pretend that everything is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. But my mother is becoming more and more aggressive about me getting pregnant, for some really weird reason and is consistently bringing it up and pushing for it. It's becoming really tiring and I wish she'd just stop. I'm not ready to have a baby, so working towards one right now just seems silly.

For all your trials and tribulations....

2009-12-08T15:53:30Z

I've been tired for almost two weeks. This lung issue is really wearing me out. It doesn't help that it's -19 Celcius today. The humidity is something like 76% making it feel that much colder. I just keep telling myself I only have a week and a half left before two weeks off. I'm so excited to... rest. And sleep.

Last night I somehow managed to get a weird chemical burn/ulcer underneath my fingernail. My friend told me it was a pinched nerve which I totally believed until I woke up this morning and their was a blister against my skin. I had ripped the nail off in desperation last night to see if it would help. It almost felt like a cross between a metal sliver and fiberglass. It makes it hard to use that hand.

case of the ills

2009-12-04T18:59:12Z

I'm home today as I did end up getting what Bink had, which was a viral lung infection that has left me on Prednisone... again. All things considered I'm feeling better today than how I was feeling yesterday, let alone the day before. I do have to go to work this afternoon, but I can live with that since I'm also suppose to go to Binky's staff party tonight (though I don't know how long I'll last.) So now I'm just sorta wandering trying to clean a little here and there to help but I'm so exhausted that all I've been really trying to do for the last three days is sleep.

I think I'm catching what Bink had.

2009-11-30T15:21:35Z

My chest is all tight and I'm extremely tired and it's only 7:20. This is not going to be the best start to the morning.

I feel you in my bones...

2009-11-23T15:20:29Z

... cold cold winter. Why is it so hard to wake up every morning? One more month and I am off for Christmas, thank GOD.

So last night was the spaghetti dinner, and I hounded one particular item so bad that people started to get uncomfortable. I won a two hour session with my favourite photographer. I even pulled the wedding card. How awful am I? Then Bink and I came home and watched Star Trek and Up again, which seems to be our two favourite movies right now.

I need to go get dressed and ready for work or I won't be able too. I miss working half days =(

A family of trees wanted, to be haunted....

2009-11-22T04:44:59Z

So it's been a week since our trip to Vancouver, and I've been too bummed all week to write about it. It's been pretty hectic since we got back, no time for really relaxing in regards to Bink's work and my preschool, this weekend is the spaghetti dinner which is cause for prep for all week usually.

Since it's been a week its usually easier for me to just do things in point form when remembering.

Thursday Night

- Went to Joey Tomato's on Burrard. We have one in Kelowna but I highly doubt its of the same class of food. Seriously the best supper I have ever had, which it should of been because after tip it came to $130. Still, Bink and I both got appetizers, drinks (I had two martini's), and dessert so I guess realistically it wasn't that much.

That's pretty much all we did since we got in late on thursday.

Friday

went to the Templeton across the street for breakfast.

went for a walk down Grandville.

ended up taking a three hour round trip to Abbotsford to pick up a part for the preschool (Bink was so peeved)

went for a walk and bought our tickets to see Evil Dead the Musical.

found a store that sold Converse sneakers and purchased my first set. They are FUSHIA BABY!

went for a walk to get white shirts from urban outfitters so we could get soaked from being in the splatter section.

went to Golden Age comics where they had a Doctor Who Sonic Screwdriver. I almost purchased it but it was super cheap looking and they wanted 50 dollars for it. Bummed, I put it away. They also had the Doctors pocket watch that looked way fancier and less cheap but they wanted 100 dollars for that and I wasn't ready to pay that with two more days to go.

went to HMV but really didn't see much.

went to Evil Dead the Musical and sat in the splatter section, where I proceeded to be the one covered the most in blood. We were in the first row and I guess since I'm heavy there is more surface area for me, but I mean, I was soaked... it was apparent to everyone in the first row I got hit the most. It made for an awesome walk home without a jacket in the freezing cold. I also bought a nice hoodie that has a bloody chainsaw on it. One I can't wear out much since I teach, but that I LOVE LOVE LOVE. As we walked back to the hotel, most people looked on in fear of our bloody appearance but one girl screamed out "WHOOO! SPLATTER SECTION" which made me scream back in delight!

Saturday

went to breaky again at the Templeton.

went back to the hotel to get ready for a day of shopping.

went to Ardene's and bought a hat and mitts and some jewelry.

went on the sky train and took it to Metrotown.

went to Old Navy and bought a brown winter dress jacket, as well as a dress and some capri's for the concert. Bink bought a dress shirt.

went to Winners and tooled around, got Bink a reversible belt.

came back to the hotel and relaxed. Everyone wanted to take me to the aquarium but by that time it was 3.5 hours till the doors opened for the concert, and I wanted to have a bath and relax. Traffic was a mess and I had never been to the aquarium so I didn't want to rush around all through it only to rush to get to the concert.

went and saw TIESTO!!!!! where EVERYONE was high on E or acid. Not that I care, but being the only sober people in a crowd of 20,000 people kind makes you feel like the designated driver at a bar. Plus I almost got into a brawl with someone in the 'mosh' pit. People kept trying to start a mosh pit and the people closest to the stage weren't having it, and rightfully so. I was only three rows back but I was so squished my feet were barely touching the ground and the only way I could see Tiesto was through douche bag people's camera's that they managed to sneak in. It was kinda scary, I put my ticket down to get searched and when I realized I had left it behind it had been stolen, so I basically cried to a security guard and they got my wrist band put on for me without my ticket, I didn't want to talk about it again all night though because I felt dumb.

Sunday

got up checked out

went to Ikea and got some new cutlery FINALLY (that was an almost 2 1/2 hour excursion)

made it home

Then Bink told me he planned to re propose to me at Tiesto but lost my engagement ring. That's kind of made me sad too. Oh well and life goes on.

TIESTO TIESTO OMFG TIESTO.

2009-11-11T20:48:36Z

So as I pack now like a giddy and slightly obsessive school girl for Tiesto, I can't help but get a sinking feeling about my beloved Gomez. HES MY BABY AND WILL BE ALL ALONE. I made Bob and Mom promise that they will come and love him, and pet him, and probably not name him George.

I really should be packing but when I'm excited my stomach gets upset and lately my ulcer has NOT been happy. I packed enough medication to keep me happy throughout the trip. I have SOO MUCH TO DO, but I'm lamely running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

I got high hopes...

2009-11-09T04:21:29Z

On Friday night I watch Paranormal Activity and it struck a chord in me so deeply I'm still having trouble sleeping. I don't know what it is about the idea of malevolent spirits that get to me, but they do. The first night I couldn't fall asleep and then last night we didn't go to bed till almost 5am. SOO TIRED.

I saw some really cute luggage today that was on sale for 30$ but I didn't get it because I got sidetracked. Now I'm fiercely in regret of not purchasing this said luggage, and it dances in my mind on it's tiny little wheels, laughing at my empty pockets and the irony that I only want it because I'm going on a trip and have now decided I want traditional luggage.

How many times did I say luggage in that sentence? It's almost made it's "lost meaning" quota. Do you ever say a word over and over till it looses it's meaning and becomes gibberish? Second... Second second second....

I had a horrible day on Friday and don't know if I'm ready to come back. After being hungover from my H1N1 shot, there was a lot of stress caused over a huge upset in the school by a mistake that *I* made, and so essentially that is my fault and I stayed strong all day until I broke down as I was walking home, for the most part 90% of people involved are sympathetic, which is a good thing, but knowing that I made a mistake that is bad, its been a rough weekend. It was the same day that my new children books came in, and I raced home with my new hardcover copies of Goodnight Moon and The Giving Tree. After reading my books, and watching a movie that terrified me to my very core (I know I'm a wussy) we watched some lighter fare.

I remember every word you said....

2009-11-09T02:12:27Z

So today I got my hair cut... and I really like it. This is what my hair used to look like:

Sorry for the big photo's I've sized them down since.

Also...

2009-11-05T15:56:36Z

I've been secretly watching high school musical, since I fell in love with zac efron in 17 again. Shhhh.... or it won't be a secret anymore.

Do you believe in something beautiful?

2009-11-05T15:53:35Z

I've been so tired lately but haven't felt it's right to complain. Bink has been working 12.5 to 14 hour days daily in Princeton, which is a 1h 1/2 drive from here, both ways. So after working for 12 hours he gets to drive home for almost 2 hours. He says he's doing it because we need sweet sweet monies for TIESTO in Van next week. It makes sense, but I come home to a cold and lonely house till five hours later. We haven't gotten to eat supper together in almost two weeks unless we get fast food, as he worked all weekend to get additional hours too.

Halloween was alright, I was sad for most of the day because I missed Bink and my dad, of all people. Bink and I had a really good talk about it because the man was an asshole and yet I get really needy during certain parts of the year and miss him lots. I've explained it to Bink that I feel I get a lot of weird personality eccentricities from him and I never got to talk to him about it. He has never known me as an adult truly and I wish I could talk to him now about somethings. He got me into musicals, and sci fi, and singing, and acting, drama, video-games and other things that are huge for me. My mom isn't into ANY of that, so that leaves a lot for us NOT to talk about.

So then I went out in my Lizzie Borden costume. It turns out that one of the moms at the preschool worked the coat check at the bar that night. Awesome. I'm trying to take some Vitamin D so that I'm not so sad/tired all the time, and so we will see how that helps.

Well hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work I go.