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Kiki Geeky.
March 25th, 2011 @ 03:15 am
I can't believe how long its been since I wrote in this! but considering what a long time its been once you see the charge to your credit card for your paid account, it reminds you of your long lost friend, the journal.
Part of me get too caught up in Facebook. A medium I actually abhor going on and only do for brief spurts of insanity. Its only because I'm lonely and basically living in this surreal mockery to the human existence. I have no job. I exercise for a portion of the day. My husbands living away at school, which means my Mom and I are practically living together since we're both injured and going to the same exercise classes and massage therapist to healing our injuries, and we're eating together because we both can't cook for one, and are trying to make what we have last.

As un-lighthearted as that sounds the good thing is that my boredom usually blossoms into craziness and my affinity to make pathetic attempts at creating art. Therefore I have decided to create a blog surrounding that very thing! Considering I'm pretty much at the bottom of the hill or maybe sitting up a plateau or so from the bottom. Well.... Lets just say that there's more to be healed than just the accident that caused my knee to "break" as its easier to say that telling the loooong drawn out story of how I hurt myself.

or hey that could even be a blog entry.

Basically I'm trying to get to the point.

I pay for this journal, and for what? to remember once and awhile to come to my computer and vent about life. When things are good, I can go on an almost year long break? its not fair is what the issue is. I don't really treat the journal fairly. I want to do the thing justice. And so, I have decided that the blog will start using this account, which means it's going to take some time to change the security levels of all my old entries. I would very much like to keep them, just separate in the fairly off chance that I start drawing attention to the blog and it focuses on the months I've had to take off for my knee injury and what I'm doing artistically/ nutritionally/ emotionally/and athletically to pull myself out of the infinite abyss I've been feeling caught up in.

I'm smiling now. I think this may actually be fun.
Whisper a secret
Kiki Geeky.
January 8th, 2011 @ 06:19 pm
New Year, New Beginnings  
Every new year one of my resolutions is always to utilize my paid-journal more, but the last year really got away from me with the pressures to join Facebook, the wedding, the arrival of victoria and Dee Dee, the dissapearance of Gomez, Whitney moving away and Meg moving back. Matt and I started to hang out and Bink went to school. I've been going to the Mental Health building for the last few months, taking a course in communicating through conflict and seeing a therapist.

Then this December I fell breaking the bone that holds some of my knee's ligaments and possibly completely tore my ACL. Since then life has slowed down to a mind numbingly painful pace, causing me to re-evaluate everything. Therefore I plan to blog more, as I plan to restablish my writing and painting. Hurray for the new year!
 ? Mood: content
 ? Music: What Else Is There? - Royksopp
Whisper a secret
Kiki Geeky.
March 27th, 2010 @ 09:59 pm
Wedding must be on that list of the top ten most stressful things, because I tell you it sure has been taking its toll. I'm beyond happy about all the wonderful parts of it, but the budget when you're doing it with no help, as well as making sure it all comes together smoothly are the hardest parts, and I've pretty much got it all together by my lonesome with some support from bink and that's about it. Though I must say he's doing his best to try and help and come up with some of the more design parts of the wedding although that was my favourite part too and I felt he sort of took over a bit. I don't know... I think I'm rambling.

I missed my antidepressant the other day because we ran out and I was so out of it I accidently through the prescription in the garbage. By the time I got it in me it was too late so now I'm all a ball of gibberish and sadness and confusion. My doctor told me that he was going to try and take me off of it after my SADS went away but then the wedding came up and I was finding it difficult to cope with the additionaly stress so here I am. I have found that it helps I really do, but this is the first time I've ever missed it. Being alone and bored on saturdays is no fun either. blargh.

ignore this post.
 ? Mood: confused
 ? Music: Damien Rice - The Blowers Daughter
Kiki Geeky.
March 22nd, 2010 @ 07:54 am
still tired... still unorganized.... still messy... still anxious... so.... great.
Whisper a secret
Kiki Geeky.
March 5th, 2010 @ 07:54 am
Everytime I go back to Facebook, I stop writing in my journal, and that bugs me beyond all end. I love my journal I've written in it for years, so what is my major malfunction? I have no idea but I've got to find the time to work it all out. I'm definately all over the place. In between Christmas break to this spring break has been one of the most draining and hardest times for me in my adult life. I'm so excited for the two week rest and hopefully I will be finding the time to get my life back together and much more organized.
 ? Mood: awake
 ? Music: Yann Tiersen - La noyée
Whisper a secret
Kiki Geeky.
February 27th, 2010 @ 11:47 pm
new idea  
so lately I haven't been updating. I haven't talked about the major dissapointment that was trying to secure a hall. I haven't talked about the on and off nature of my anxiety, I haven't revelled in the fact that I had such a relaxing teachers review. None of these things have been something for me to write about because in all honesty I'm always so stupidly busy about the wedding that I dont talk about how I've been going five days a week to the gym, and that for one day out of the blue last week I almost passed out in the shower. So to sort of keep track of all the wedding crafts I'm making AND so that I feel that I'm using this paid account I'm going to create a series of posts in regards to said wedding crafts. So far I've been creating my own veil, have a rather different spin on favours, name holders, and have watched bink make our invites from scratch that is way beyond my realm of imagination. I'm going to be making my own centrepieces, table runners, decorating the hall myself and generally finding the cheapest and most fun/frusterating ways to get what I want. Later I think I hope to maybe expand on that, but for now I think it would be neat as a focus for some posts. I find doing this beading so far has been really... relaxing? and yet, I'm creating a viel that seems similar to the ones that I saw hanging up in the dress shop for $129.00 for the total of 27.00 in materials (so far). Then again, I've been beading for almost 5 hours now.

I think I'll make thorough posts of everything from scratch once their down so people can see the end product and the beginning.
 ? Mood: cheerful
 ? Music: Ladytron - Seventeen
Whisper a secret
Kiki Geeky.
February 14th, 2010 @ 08:47 pm
So I had the most tragic and frustrating news on friday. I got a call from the bridal shop telling me that even though I was emailed and told my dress was ordered and would be here for the end of Feb, it was a mistake made by a new 'trainee' and that they couldn't get my dress in after the wedding date. After telling the woman I couldn't even talk to her because I was so frustrated, I made her call my voicemail while I called my mom to deal with it all since I was at work.

I ended up calling back after work and making arrangements to come in for Saturday, which was yesterday. My goal was to purchase the dress I had tried on just a little over two weeks ago because, at the time it fit me and I was so sick of this whole issue/crap. I walked in and had literally dropped two dress sizes from excerise and stress. That's about 15 to 20 lbs. I had to sinch the waist with my hands holding the extra 2-3 inches of fabric. It also meant I could try on another dress I liked. Now I'm caught.

The simple one that I lost two dress sizes in, it's Bink's favourite, but alot of alterations need to be done. My sash added, more crinoline, and a sweetheart neckline made with cups to hold my boobs better (I think they look tragic and saggy in it). The second one, I need a size up so my back fat isn't so gross and the bodice taken in. That one is my moms favourite. I LOVE THEM BOTH. I see alot of potential in the second one, but gathering of fabric under my breastline is one of my favourite things. ACK! Either way the Sash is getting added. So I've decided to show the pictures and then from there get more feedback. I know it's ultimately my own decision. I just... am a pansy.

Pictures and Poll after cut.Collapse )
 ? Mood: stressed
 ? Music: Billy Idol - Mony Mony
Kiki Geeky.
February 11th, 2010 @ 08:02 am
I didn't make it to the gym today, as I have been and was exhausted, thus I slept in a whole whopping 1 and a half (instead of five I got up at 6:30). I've gone 3 out of 4 days this week though, so that must count for something. I've been trying so hard to get weddingz stuff together but it's become more of a chore than a fun exciting experience. If I get too involved I get unbelievably stressed over things that are uncontrollable and so I barely touch on it now because I find it dissapointing.

I had more to say but my brain just seemed to lose all or to be more accurate, the majority of its functionality.

Thus I'm going to go pack my work back and hopeful all my jumbled thoughts will come together once more, later so I can update.
 ? Mood: drained
 ? Music: La Roux - In For The Kill (Lifelike Remix)
Whisper a secret
Kiki Geeky.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 09:02 pm
Can't stop throwing up.  
I seem have to caught a stomach bug that is going around that causes me to vomit every half an hour. It got so bad Bink had to tell me to call in sick tomorrow. I just hate doing that knowing we have no subs. This is only causing half my stress. The wedding is causing the other half. I'm trying to wrap everything up together into a nice package and it's not coming together as neatly as I would like. Even ordering our wedding bands is proving to be a problem as we don't live in the states, and although I can PAY for the rings, and they are TINY, they say they can't ship one of them to my address, but the other one... suuure, that's fine.

anyways, my mom bought me a dress this weekend.Collapse )
 ? Mood: sick
 ? Music: The B-52's - Private Idaho
Whisper a secret
Kiki Geeky.
January 25th, 2010 @ 10:57 pm
Je suis une pizza, avec du fromage....  
So I must say for all my not writing in the journal, so much has happened in the last few days. First off, Bink and I have bumped the wedding up to THIS YEAR. After a long and drawn out discussion after I lost it on him for the zillionth time for not even paying attention or listening to me about wedding stuff, he admitted he wanted a smaller standing ceremony with the possiblity of going out to supper afterwards or having a barbeque. The thing about going out to supper though is we don't know how to word it or explain we want people to come celebrate our marriage with us, however we're not able to pay for their meal. At this point, my mom is paying for my dress and everything else seems to have come to roughly 500 dollars, which is way more realistic for us than 5000. Plus it's still going to be the 13th so it's a Thursday this year and there will most likely be people who will not be able to make it and we're alright with that. We know how last minute this now has become and therefore we're just trying to keep it casual. Then all of a sudden this tiny standing room only 8 people ceremony has already ballooned into an 18 person ceremony. I keep telling people that if they really want to stand and watch then by all means, but I'm not renting chairs or going to make it fancy when it was meant to be small.

Then my best friends apartment flooded and now she's moving into the room that time forgot. Which means that Bink and I have been cleaning and packing things away all night. I'm so tired and stressed and she's so tired and stressed and we're all just trying to make things work. I called the bridal boutique in Kelowna today because everyone keeps telling me I can't possibly purchase a dress without trying one on that its TOO risky, so now I'm going to Kelowna Friday night so that I can have a fitting. The dresses online are the exact same and almost 300 dollars cheaper without tax so I'm a little stressed but my mom is paying for it and she apparently doesn't mind. I was reamed out though by the bridal assistant for "waiting way too long" where I apparently felt the need to explain that I actually had no idea I was getitng married this may until last thursday.

Basically I need sleep because everythings sort of compressing into this giant ball of stress goo. I don't want that stress goo to explode.

Yes, definitely time for bed.
 ? Mood: stressed
 ? Music: I am pizza - Charlotte Diamond
Whisper a secret